You laughed at the same jobs and had similar hobbies, you enjoyed many romantic moments together. Your future as a couple seemed extremely promising and bright, but the light flickered all of a sudden and impenetrable darkness closed in around you both. You found out that your partner lied to you. So, you are there in your room, blankly staring at a wall and wondering what to do next. Should you continue with this relationship after talking about it or should you call it a day?
It doesn’t really matter where you met, in a dancing club, in a theater or on an advertisement-free Russian dating site – never blame places or circumstances for your misfortunes, but look at the pith of the matter. Determine for yourself what led to this situation and why it developed like it did.
Susan found herself smack in the middle of this problem when her Jack miserably lied to her and got caught with it. He cancelled their romantic date and went to play soccer with his friends instead – Susan’s friend saw him on the soccer field and reported to Susan her troubling finding.
“What is really odd and weird about this whole disturbing situation, I would of course let him go meet his friends if he just frankly told me about it. The date cancellation would be a minor disappointment in comparison with the knowledge that he lied to me. It simply got my mind going thinking what else he may have lied about,” says Susan.
If you found yourself in Susan’s shoes, what would be your course of action? Many people don’t distinguish between a white and a black lie. Any lie is a clear signal something is wrong in a relationship and more egregious mistakes and lies may be in the pipeline.
Other people are eager to assess the circumstances that led to the lie in the first place. They are aware that even nice and good men sometimes do stupid things, and they are ready to forgive them for such unintended lapses and to move on. Consider the following if you find out that dishonesty has entered into your relationship.
It is in the human nature to deny responsibility just as to take it. When a person lies for the first time, he will be tempted to deny this lie with another, even more dishonest lie. It can easily drag your relationship into a pernicious vortex of lies. So, trust can be built only if your partner is willing to admit the mistake that he or she has made.
Evaluate the strength of your current relationship. If it is not developing on a solid ground, then lack of trust and honesty is bound to make the relationship even worse. If you summon up your strength, then you will be able to overcome such problems.
How to resolve the crisis
You need to see the situation as it is and subject it to an objectively impartial evaluation. Some single Russian women may be after your wallet instead of your heart in the first place, so you have to exercise caution when meeting and dating new women. Lies can be of different magnitudes – some are mild and insignificant tremors, others – fully blown volcano eruptions and earthquakes. You will need to differentiate between a cosmetic lie and a nefarious deception. It is not such a bad problem if your partner lied to you because he wanted to embellish her achievements, but it is another cup of tea if the lie served to hide her relationship on the sly with another person.
It is better to set the rules from the start and to adhere by them. Be straightforward and direct in what you expect from your partner, complete honesty will always pay back.
Don’t forget about your gut instincts. Respond to the ongoing crisis in the best way possible. Dating is a try-out of sorts of whether you two can fit the worlds of each other together. If there are any doubts you may have about your dating partner, better discuss them with her before you begin living together. Let us put it this way – you deserve only the best in this life, and hearing only (or at least mostly) the truth from your partner is certainly a part of it.