Do you absolutely have to google your partner and does it qualify as a bad personal trait? Do you need to double-check her birthdate through Zaba and to assess the value of her home through Zillow? Are such steps totally necessary and normal before you can begin a happy family life together?
It is an ingenerate quality of every human being to experience curiosity and to follow up on this occasionally. It is probably quite normal to verify the information about a new girl you have just met online on a dating site and have had a friendly, no strings attached chit-chat with. But when does snooping interfere with a healthy, unobtrusive and trust-based relationship?
Let’s imagine the woman you are dating has left her cell phone at your house or apartment after a jovial dinner and an incredible time together with you. Will you rush to begin pushing the buttons, eager to read her personal texts and to explore the phone calls that she has received? What if you are visiting her and she leaves you to take the shower? Will you feel tempted to go through her datebook casually lying on her stand? Will you rummage through her desk drawer hoping to find something interesting?
You may do some of such things mentioned above, but think a lot before you do it. Some fact-checking actually may be advisable. She is certainly expecting that you may bump onto her posts in Facebook. But if you overstep your boundaries and begin literally searching for her dirty laundry, it may trigger a trust-breaking reaction on her part. And if the trust is gone, most likely your relationship will be finished. Think long and hard if it is really worth it.
Answering the following questions may help you solve this conundrum:
- Why do I feel the urge to check up on her? Your motivation lies at the cornerstone of this troublesome issue. If you sustained a lot of pain from another person in the past, you may be eager to self-protect yourself this time all around. Maybe you think this woman is not whom she purports to be and you suspect disloyalty. Chances are you are a nosy individual. You must answer this question honestly, and it will give you quite an insight into your true motivations.
- Would I mind her snooping up on ME? You probably don’t give two farts in a Martini if she snoops around and finds out about your previous hotties, about some skeletons you might be hiding in your closet. But most people do object to this. It can be an excellent meter of your own actions in this respect. In other words, follow the ancient rule and don’t do onto others what you don’t want to be done onto yourself. No Ukrainian or Russian dating service will ever provide you with the personal information unless she explicitly gave her consent to it, so don’t count too much on the external assistance even if you decide to go further with this.
- Will I cross the red line with my snooping interest? Respect must be honored and personal boundaries should remain inviolable in any relationship. So, you need to firmly set the line between an innocent information filing and a pretentious prying.
- Can I put my snooping energy to a better use? Your searching efforts will certainly require a lot of energy. Furthermore, keeping your efforts a secret from your unsuspecting partner will also be quite a demanding task. Measure up the importance of what you intend to do – maybe you can spend this time on something more meaningful and less harmful to your partner.
- Do I plan to begin snooping on her because I want to avoid a particularly vulnerable conversation? Quite often men get into the habit of checking up on their women because there are some subjects they don’t want to broach. Like, say, the subject of her going out to dinner with her former ex on occasion. Even if this dinner is work-related. You may feel bad about some of her actions but reluctant to talk with her about it up-front. Be aware that discussing issues is always a much better way of dealing with your partner than a covert snooping on her.